If you thought that Elon Musk’s baby-making empire couldn’t get any crazier, well, conservative influencer Ashley St. Clair has just opened a champagne bottle full of chaos and uncorked it with panache. We’re talking about babies, billionaire hush money, a $15,000 Manhattan apartment, and, just for the cherry on top, a cryptocurrency-funded podcast. Yes, my dear, this drama has it all.

The Valentine’s Day Surprise

In February, the 31-year-old St. Clair stunned the internet when she revealed on Musk’s own social media platform, X, that she had given birth to his child—a sweet baby boy whom she had named Romulus, after the founder of Rome, no less. She said that she felt moved to come into the light, spurred by the relentless hounding of tabloids circling like vultures, waiting to reveal her child’s name.

“I haven’t said this before, out of respect for our son’s privacy and our family’s safety,” she wrote, blending a hint of melodrama with a sincere appeal for peace. Now in her 54th year, Musk, who himself is the father of 13 known children by three women, has publicly neither confirmed nor denied whether Romulus indeed hails from the family of the Musks.

The alleged agreement with hush money.

This is where the melodrama reaches Oscar-bait levels. St. Clair reports that before offering up her tale, Musk offered a whopping $15 million plus $100,000 per month, but on one condition: absolute silence. While that deal likely enticed St. Clair, she told The Wall Street Journal in a later sit-down that she declined. Why? She didn’t want their son, Romulus, to bear the illegitimate stigma, and she could not insure the arrangement would hold if something befell Musk before Romulus came of age at 21.

Fast forward to post-reveal: Musk allegedly slashed her support payments. The once-six-figure monthly checks shrank to $40,000, then allegedly down to $20,000, conveniently timed, St. Clair says, around when journalists started snooping. Coincidence, or billionaire-level pettiness? You decide.

The Manhattan Apartment Meltdown

Let us step into the realm of the crash pad. St. Clair and her two kids—Romulus, and her first child from a prior relationship—have enjoyed an indulgent lifestyle in a $15,000-a-month luxury apartment that lies within Manhattan’s Financial District. Imagine panoramic skyline views, beautiful wood floors, three large bedrooms, and bathrooms that probably cost more than our rent.

As only the best soap operas can bring, St. Clair recently shared on the podcast, her tone filled with a serious earnestness: “I am getting evicted and Polymarket asked me $10,000 to do a commercial read. And with that, the roof over my head has been courtesy of Polymarket.”

Not even Megyn Kelly could turn desperation into a cryptocurrency endorsement so smoothly.

Join the Podcast Era.

What others might refer to as “chaos mother chic,” St. Clair has joined the influencer rite of passage by debuting a podcast. *Bad Advice with Ashley St. Clair* is her endeavor to make some coins while offering hot takes on her political sphere. She went after Elon’s former protégé, the 19-year-old Edward “Big Balls” Coristine, who ended up on the unfortunate receiving end of a beating in D.C. after trying to step in on a carjacking.

St. Clair compared the damage to a tantruming toddler’s destruction, again criticizing the Republicans for giving him a “participation trophy” in the unlikely event of him receiving a Presidential Medal of Freedom. “Savage” scarcely does justice.

Musk’s Silent Reverie

And where does Elon come into all of this? Well, he’s just tweeting about Earth’s dwindling population while one of his future 14th children’s mothers bemoans eviction on his timeline. He’s dodged the shots from St. Clair’s podcast, and the monetary accusations haven’t been disputed. But let’s face it: this guy feeds on distraction, and all of this drama is a pretty good distraction.

The Musk Family Tree (For Those Keeping Score)

For anyone still lost in the Musk paternity labyrinth, here’s a refresher:

Justine Wilson (ex-wife): 5 kids (twins + triplets)

Grimes: 3 kids (X, Y, and Tau)

Shivon Zilis (Neuralink exec): 4 kids (twins + 2 more toddlers)

Ashley St. Clair (alleged): Baby Romulus

If St. Clair’s accusations are true, that’s 14 living children and counting, because let’s be real: Musk treats paternity much like video game side quests.